Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
