i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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