If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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