yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
