got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
