i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
