Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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