you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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