I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
