I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
