Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dignity is for republicans.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Two words: blizzard sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
