That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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