dude i'm inner monologue high
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
