Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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