he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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