You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
