my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize