i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I smell like Dick and happiness
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
