I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
