I wish life had little blips of pornography
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
