I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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