Can i not drive my cunt home
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
