u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She bit a glass in half.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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