Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
