So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize