you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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