Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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