I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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