why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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