Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
