He kissed a someone with a penis
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
