Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
