so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize