the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
