people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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