So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
