just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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