He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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