i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
