I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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