i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
