She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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