True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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