whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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