ya dads aren't the best wingmen
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
