my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize