Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize