I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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