So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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