That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize