So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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