hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
