thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
