i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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