i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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