I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woke up backwards on a recliner
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
