I like to think it a success when the cops are called
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
