White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize