before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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