i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
