I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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