My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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