So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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