I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
