Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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