just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
